


Let it Be Me

by Internet_Explorher



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2018-12-22 02:30:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11957859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Internet_Explorher/pseuds/Internet_Explorher
Summary: Dean always thought he would be the one to spend the rest of his life with Cas. After all, they were in love, right?However, Dean’s own self-worth issues kept him from really being with Cas. Now he's left on the side lines, watching the love of his life be happy with someone else.





	1. The one with the engagement party

* * *

 

Dean watched as Castiel laughed and danced with some of their friends. Castiel was beautiful. The way Cas’ eyes lit up and the wonderful sound of his laugh, barely audible to Dean’s ears over the rambunctious music. Cas looked carefree… he looked happy.

Dean couldn't have wanted anything more than to be the cause of Cas’ happiness. Unfortunately, it was all because of Cas’ fiancé. Dean didn't hate anyone more than that guy. Well, that's not technically true. He probably hated himself a lot more than he hated Balthazar. After all, Dean was the one who pushed Castiel into Balthazar’s arms. 

Dean was such a stupid son of a bitch. He let his arrogance and stubbornness get the best of him. He kept himself closed off from Cas and now he was lost to him. Dean could tell that Cas didn't love him anymore. At least all of Cas’ mannerisms weren't the same when he was around Dean. Cas didn't get the gleam of happiness and content in his eyes that he used to get. He didn't smile that gummy adorable smile at Dean anymore, and Cas no longer laughed at Dean’s lame jokes. 

Dean was on the receiving end of the cold shoulder, or a brief small sad smile. He thought Cas was still hurt by Dean and knowing that he did that… it was worse than anything Dean's ever experienced. 

Dean thought they could pull through. That nothing would be awkward because they were best friends before they were ever anything else. They would get back to normal and pretend they never loved one another but… but that doesn't happen in real life. 

Dean could pretend to be happy for Cas. Dean could act like seeing Cas hug and kiss Balthazar didn't leave an ever growing hole inside his chest. Dean’s been doing it ever since Cas admitted that he started dating two weeks after their breakup.

Two fucking weeks. And yet here Dean was getting drunk off his ass and crying his eyes out. Cas was happy again while Dean was left with the remnants of their failed relationship. 

The only people who seemed to notice were Sam, his brother, and Charlie, his other best friend. They always seemed to pinpoint the exact moment his heart broke a little more, like right now. They watched Dean, watching Cas dance with Balthazar, with pitying looks.

Dean looked at Sam and Charlie and rolled his eyes. He didn't need their pity. Dean was the one who fucked it all up, they should be comforting Cas. Except… except Cas wasn't broken the way Dean was. No, Cas was perfect. Maybe that's why they couldn't work out.

Dean laughed bitterly as he took a long drink from his beer. He wasn't even aware that it was already almost empty. He looked at the table and noticed he just finished his fifth bottle. Oh, it would be one of those nights.

Dean stood up ready to get another drink when someone bumped into him. 

“Oh, Sorry!” A girl gasped. 

“Don't worry about it,” Dean brushed off.

“Oh… okay,” She looked at his sad eyes and back at Castiel, “Look, I know it's none of my business, but are you okay?”

Dean looked at the new comer; she was beautiful. Her hair was bright red and her eyes shined with worry. Maybe if Dean wasn't so in love with Castiel he could be with her but that wasn't how it was.

“I'm okay,” Dean shrugged. He smiled thinly at her and made his way to the bar.

“Hey, I'm Anna,” She followed behind him, “I’m Balthazar’s friend. You're Dean, right?” 

“hm,” Dean grunted. He really wasn't in the mood for small talk. Or any form of speaking.

“I noticed you were alone and Balthazar kinda ditched me, so I was wondering… you mind if I joined you?” Anna bit her lip nervously. She didn’t want to leave the poor guy to wallow in his misery. Anna was a fair believer in helping others, and karma.

“Look, I don't mean to be rude, I'm sure you're a nice girl and all, but I'm not interested.” Dean brushed off.

“Oh… oh! No, not like that,” Anna laughed, “I have a girlfriend, actually. I just thought that we could keep each other company is all.”

Damn, Dean couldn't even land this girl? He was really out of it. “Oh, ah. Okay, yeah,” He nodded, “Want a drink? On me.”

“Thank you,” Anna smiled, “I'll get a Bubblegum Colada.” She told the bartender.

Dean paid for their drinks and led Anna back to his table. Unsurprisingly, Charlie and Sam were waiting for him there. Dean couldn't help but roll his eyes once more. Did they really think Dean was going to hook up with some girl at Cas’ engagement party? When Castiel was there? Anna had a girlfriend, for crying out loud. Then again, they most likely didn't know that piece of information.

“Dean, who's your friend?” Sam asked right away. _‘Way to be subtle Sammy.’_

“I'm Anna!” Anna beamed and sat down in one of the empty seats. Dean took his seat and drank some of his beer. “I'm actually a friend of Balthazar’s.”

“Oh, it's nice to meet you! I'm Charlie, Dean's best friend, not counting Cas of course.” Charlie smiled back at Anna. After assessing the body language between Dean and the other red head (and Anna's brush off) Charlie wasn't afraid of Dean doing something stupid, not tonight at least.

“I'm surprised you guys are sitting here,” Dean looked at his brother and friend. 

“Why wouldn't we be? We're close, us being brothers and all.” Sam shrugged.

Dean lifted his brow and looked from Sam to the table they were at before. It was packed with Balthazar’s other friends and family.

“We were just getting to know them for Cas’ sake. Plus, it looks like you got an inning with one of Balthazar’s friends.” Sam looked at them suspiciously.

Well, it was quite clear Sam didn't know Anna wasn't interested and was in a relationship.

Dean shrugged, “She seems pretty cool.”

“And she's kinda not liking that she’s being talked about as if she wasn't sitting right here.” Anna frowned.

“Excuse my brother, he's a whiny baby,” Dean teased which caused Sam to glare at his brother with an unhappy smile.

Dean fell into conversation with Anna quite easily. Anna was funny and outgoing, plus after the tension dissolved, Sam and Charlie were making it all better. Sure Dean still kept sending glances towards the happy couple, but who can blame him?

The rest of the engagement party passed in a flurry of drinks, jokes, and the never ending desire to die for Dean. He only got a chance to break away from his new friend when he had to take a piss.

Dean was waiting in line at the bathrooms when he was corned. (Not really, he could have easily left, but he hadn't talked to Cas all night, plus he really needed to relieve his bladder like now). 

“Hello Dean,” Cas spoke softly.

“Hey Cas… ah, congratulations,” Dean murmured. 

“Th-thanks,” Cas looked away, seeming uncomfortable. 

“How are-”

“You look-”

“Sorry.” They both spoke at the same time.

“It's alright, how are you enjoying the party?” Cas asked.

“It's ah,” _torturing, terrible, and heartbreaking? I'm dying seeing you with someone who isn't me. This should be us._ “it's awesome. Everyone looks like they're enjoying themselves. Which is just, awesome,” Dean smiled falsely. 

“I hope so. Balthazar put a lot of effort into this.” Cas smiled slightly. He looked at Dean, “Who is that girl that you are with?” He asked suddenly.

“What?” Dean frowned. Was he talking about Anna? How did he not know her? She said she was one of Balthazar’s friends.

“The girl who you were sitting next to… I-I haven't met her yet.” Cas looked at his hands.

“Oh, that's Anna. She's pretty cool, you'll like her.” Dean gave him a small smile. 

“Oh, okay,” Cas bit his lower lip. What Dean wouldn't give to kiss those lips again.

“I’d tell you if I was bringing a date,” Dean ran his fingers through his hair.

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” Cas smiled.

“I should probably go before my bladder explodes. I don't think you'll manage to explain how you got so dirty,” Dean tried to joke.

Cas laughed and nodded, “Yeah, you should go before I have to explain why I was covered in you.”

Dean looked at him shocked. He actually laughed. Not one of those half laughs or a chuckle, an actual genuine Castiel laugh. He smiled and took his turn in the bathroom.

_ If Castiel didn't know Anna, then was this a party where he was barely meeting Balthazar’s friends?  _ Dean frowned at the thought. That didn't seem like a practical relationship. Usually the s.o. met everyone before their engagement party, right? At least that's how their relationship went. Although Cas’ friends and family were Dean's friends and family, while Cas’ actual family was their enemy. Also, they weren't ever engaged.

Dean sighed softly, tucked himself back in his jeans, and zipped up. He flushed the urinal and went to the sink. He washed his hands before leaving the bathroom. 

Dean gave Cas a small smile as he passed him in the hall.

“Dean?” Cas called. 

Dean looked at Cas. Cas looked so beautiful. “Yeah?”

“Can I come by tomorrow? I feel like we haven't seen each other in a while.” Cas asked, his eyes pleading.

“Ah, sure… yeah, what time?” Dean rubbed the back of his head and glanced back towards his table. Anna must have said something funny cause they were all laughing at something she said.

“Eleven okay?” Cas asked hopefully. 

“Yeah, yeah it should be,” Dean agreed.

“Good ah, I'll see you later,” Cas grinned.

Dean couldn't help but share the same smile. Cas looked so happy. “See you later,” Dean agreed.

Dean made his way back to the table. He couldn't hide the smile on his face.

“Dean… what did you do?” Charlie teased.

“What? Nothing!” Dean laughed. He took a drink from his beer, “Anyway, what are we talking about?”

“Embarrassing drunk stories!” Charlie cheered loudly, embarrassingly loud.

“Alright, I can do this,” Dean grinned.

“I bet I'll have you beat,” Anna grinned back. They continued with their stories and their jokes. Dean found himself enjoying the rest of the night. He was actually glad to have met Anna even though she was friends with that British pompous asshole. All flaws aside, she was flawless. They even made plans to hang out sometime.

“You can meet my girlfriend.” She slurred. They were both plenty drunk by now. Sam had left an hour ago and Charlie was picked up from the party by her current girlfriend, Dorothy, a couple of minutes ago. Which left Dean and Anna to talk amongst themselves. 

Dean nodded, “I'd love to. If she's anything like to you, I'll love her.” Dean grinned. He looked at her and laughed. There was nothing funny going on, Dean just felt the need to laugh.

“Awesome! You're awesome, Dean.” Anna stood up and wobbled slightly. She giggled and looked at her feet, “I should've worn flats.” 

Dean looked at her feet and nodded, “maybe,” he shrugged. He didn't know anything about women's shoes when he was sober, so he knew absolutely nothing now. 

Dean stood up and held his arm out to her, “let me walk you out?” He offered.

“Okay,” Anna shrugged and took his arm. She leaned on him heavily as they made their way out the hall. She sang off-key as they made their way to an awaiting taxi.

“Why thank you, kind sir,” Anna spoke in a terrible posh accent when Dean opened the car door for her. 

“Pleasure’s all mine,” Dean laughed. 

Anna took his hand in hers, “you should ride with me.” She poked his chest, “I know you are drunk, Mr.-Mr. Winchester.” Even through her inebriated state, she could tell Dean was drunk. There was no way she'd let him drive home.

“‘m fine,” Dean slurred. 

“uh-uh, Mr. C’Mon, in the cab,” she pulled him in behind her.

“But my car,” Dean whined. 

“won't have a car if you drive in your state.” Anna made sure the door was closed before sitting back in her seat.

“I guess,” Dean grumbled.

“where to?” The cab driver asked the inebriated duo in the back. She generally hated drunks, but so far no one was puking or fucking, so it would be fine for now.

“Lancaster drive, 23500.” Dean told the cab lady. He looked at Anna, “what about you?”

“Imma stay with you, Ruby hates when ‘m this drunk. Told her I was stayin’ with a friend.” Anna lay her head on Dean’s shoulder, “I have some major ass kissin’ to do tomorrow.” She yawned.

Dean laughed softly and sat back in his seat, “alright.”

From a volt in the hall’s parking lot, Cas watched the cab pull away from the curb side, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Ready to head home, babe?” Balthazar slurred. 

Cas sighed and nodded. He started the long drive home. Cas wasn't supposed to be the one driving tonight. Balthazar promised not to drink so much, yet here they were. And somehow, that wasn't what was bothering Cas.


	2. The one where  Castiel visits Dean

* * *

 

Dean would be lying if he said his hangover was completely unexpected. To be fair though, he hasn't had one since the month he and Castiel broke things off. Dean wasn't expecting to drink as much as he had the night before, but who would be able to manage their drinks while they watched the person they loved be with someone else? No one, that's who. Of course Dean could say he was having too much of a good time (and he would if asked) but he honestly couldn't have been more miserable just being there.

Dean groaned slightly and stood up, not quite ready to face the day. He sluggishly made his way to his bathroom so he could brush his teeth and possibly throw up; throwing up was still up in the air after he finished his business in the restroom. Just the thought of eating made him queasy. 

“Morning! Are you hungry? I made some eggs and bacon.” Anna beamed. She seemed awfully chipper for someone who drank their weight in mixed drinks last night.

Dean grimaced and shot her a glare. He grabbed a water bottle from his fridge and chugged the bottle down. He let out a deep breath, panting softly. Dean probably should have hydrated more the night before.

“Someone’s not a morning person,” Anna grumbled from her spot at the table. She had made some breakfast for the duo as a ‘thank you’ for letting her stay the night. “I made eggs and bacon as a small thanks for letting me crash here.”

“Uh, thanks. But, I'm kinda not feeling too well. What time is it?” Dean sat at the table with the redhead. 

“10:50.” Anna answered around her bite of food.

Dean looked up at her, “It’s almost eleven.” 

“Yeah… that’s what generally comes after ten. Are you okay?” Anna asked with concern. 

Dean stood up and paced for a minute or two. But he couldn't focus, so he moved on to the next task.

“Yes? No? Maybe?” Dean started washing the dishes frantically. He had to make sure his place looked nice and neat for when Cas came over. Dean couldn’t let Cas know he was a wreck. Dean had to play the happy friend for Castiel in his moments of happiness, and Cas was obviously happy a lot recently.

“Okay… Can I help in any way?” Anna handed Dean her empty plate.

“Uhm, can you get rid of the beer bottles?” Dean looked around the kitchen. Luckily enough, Dean had cut back on his drinking. Sam might have had something to do with that, but that wasn’t the point. The point was to get the place nice and clean.

“Yep!” Anna grabbed a trash bag and walked around the house, collecting the beer cans and bottles as she went.

Dean ended up cleaning the kitchen within five minutes, all the while thinking about how he could prove to Cas that they were okay… that he was okay.

After his and Cas’ breakup, Dean was in denial. He knew they were broken up, that was completely obvious, but he was in denial of his broken heart. Dean didn't acknowledge it, and he always strayed away from the subject of his feelings. He did that before too but even then he mentioned how happy he was or if he was upset about something. This time though, Dean refused to say anything about the breakup.

Dean thought if he didn't think about it then it wouldn't hurt as much. Dean wouldn't hurt if he ignored the ache in his chest whenever he woke up to an empty bed and an empty house. But he could only live with that method for so long.

Dean ran into Cas two weeks after their break up. It was the awkward ‘seeing your ex at a grocery store’ scenario, except it shouldn't have been awkward. Dean and Cas should have laughed and talked like the best friends that they were. However, neither of them could do it. 

Castiel was still hurt by Dean, and Dean was still in denial about his broken heart. Dean tried to make small talk. Of course he did, Cas was his best friend for crying out loud, but Dean only ended up breaking the dam he built around his heart.

Cas was already seeing someone. How was it so easy for Cas to move on like that? Like their relationship had no affect on him? 

Dean ended up pretending to be happy for him. After all, that's what best friends did. They showed their joy for their best friend when they started dating. Friends didn't buy copious amounts of alcohol to drown their sudden surge of emotions in. They didn't ditch their groceries just so they could afford that alcohol. They didn't cry over their failed relationship.

Dean spent most of his nights drunk off his ass because Cas was no longer his love. Or in better words, Dean was no longer Cas’ love. Balthazar was Cas’ new love and Dean would have to get used to it. Better said than done.

Dean remembered most of the times he got drunk at home or a bar. Sam was always there when Dean needed someone. Sam was his rock in his low moments and sometimes (most times) a shoulder to cry on.

Sam was often the one trying to get Dean to open up after Dean’s and Cas’ breakup, so of course he knew what would happen once Dean finally acknowledged the breakup. Sam was more than willing to be there for his brother. He just wished Dean would open up without the aid of alcohol.

Dean was so miserable he nearly got alcohol poisoning from his constant drinking. If he hadn't gave Sam a key, Dean probably wouldn't have made it through. 

After the night that Sam found Dean, Sam asked Dean to seek help. Which Dean ignored and instead chose to cut back to appease his brother. Now he had a few here and there. Sam of course wasn't happy about that, but he kept a constant close eye on Dean. Sam made sure Dean never had too much when it wasn't necessary. Last night being one of the necessary nights. 

“-done!” Anna set the bag of discarded bottles and cans by Dean’s trash can.

Dean looked back at her and then the trash bag, “oh, uh, thanks. I appreciate it.” Dean frowned at the cool breeze hitting his stomach… his wet stomach. He looked down at his wet t-shirt. 

“Looks like you really get into your cleaning,” Anna teased lightly with a smile. 

Dean smiled slightly in return. She really was a sweet girl, “Yeah, had to make sure everything was all clean.”

“hot date?” Anna lightly pushed Dean’s shoulder and winked.

“Ah, no, not a date.” Dean blushed and chuckled softly. He wished it was, “but someone is coming over.”

“oh? Well, I'll just get out of your hair then. Mind if I use your phone to call a cab or something?” Anna followed Dean to the living room. 

“not at all, let me just grab a dry shirt.” Dean pulled his wet t-shirt off and made his way to his room.

“I'll just wait here!” Anna told his retreating back.

Anna smiled slightly at the sound of the doorbell. Sure Dean said he didn't have a date, but he obviously liked the person who was coming over. She made her way to the door. Who would she be if she left the person waiting? 

Anna pulled the door open and smiled at the awaiting person.

“oh… uh, is Dean home?” the man before Anna asked. Castiel Novak, that was his name! 

“Yeah, he's just grabbing a shirt. C’mon in!” Anna grinned and held the door open for Castiel to come in. “It's so nice to finally be meeting you. I’m Anna. Sorry I didn't get a chance to last night. You were so busy and then I ran into Dean.” Anna closed the door behind Castiel.

Cas forced a small smile and nodded, “uh, yeah. Sorry about that. Balthazar went a little overboard on the guest list so there were a lot of people to meet.” Castiel shoved his hands in his pockets.

Castiel looked at the redhead. There could only be one reason this girl was here. She and Dean had sex. Cas bit the inside of his cheek at the thought. That bad feeling was back in the pit of his stomach. 

“That's Balthazar for you.” Anna nodded, “Well, congrats on your engagement!” the redhead beamed and sat on the couch. Anna never thought she'd feel this awkward meeting Balthazar’s fiancé. Maybe it was his intense stare.

“Thank you.” Castiel grumbled. Why was she still here? Did Dean want her there? Were they dating? Not that Cas cared… well, he cared but only because Dean was- is his best friend. 

“No problem.” Anna smiled and looked towards the hallway, urging Dean to come out. 

“So, you-”

“Cas? Hey!” Dean grinned. He was genuinely happy to see Cas. He always was, but he hasn't seen him alone in a while. 

“Hello Dean.” Cas smiled. He wasn't sure if he should hug the other man or just wave awkwardly. Cas settled on a small nod in Dean’s direction. 

Anna stood up and cleared her throat softly. It was amazing seeing how she just disappeared when they looked at one another. She decided it was her cue to leave. 

Dean looked over at Anna, “oh, here.” Dean handed her his phone, “password is 0302.” 

“Thank you, Dean.” Anna took his phone and left the room. 

Cas frowned slightly, why did she get to know his password? Were they that serious? Gabriel always said if your boyfriend gave you their phone password then that boyfriend was serious about their relationship. Did Dean intend to continue his relationship with Anna?

“Did you want anything to drink? Water? Milk? Coffee?” Dean listed off in an attempt to fill the silence between them.

“uh, some coffee, please? I always enjoyed your coffee.” Cas smiled slightly at the thought. 

Dean used to make coffee for the two of them all the time. Neither of them were morning people, so Dean made it his duty to make coffee for the both of them every morning. 

“Comin’ right up. I haven't had my cup yet either.” Dean smiled and went to the kitchen, Cas trailing behind him.

Cas felt the need to ask about Anna, like he did last night, but he didn't want to seem overbearing. Who ever Dean saw in a romantic way was none of Cas’ business. 

Dean made a lot of coffee for the two. Dean put all his attention on the coffee pot, trying not to say something stupid like ‘I still love you.’ Once the coffee was ready, Dean poured it into two mugs.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas smiled gratefully and took his mug. He added some honey and vanilla creamer to his cup, “I’m surprised you still buy vanilla creamer and honey.” Castiel admitted.

“Oh, well, Sam likes it too.” Dean shrugged. It wasn’t a lie, Sam always preferred something to sweeten his coffee, but Dean kept buying it on the off chance that Cas would come over. It seemed like it was worth it because here Cas was.

“Dean?” Anna called from the kitchen entrance.

Both men turned to look at her. Dean had a smile on, but Cas looked kind of annoyed. 

“All set?” Dean asked. He took a drink from his coffee mug and set it down.

“Yup! My ride is here actually.” Anna handed Dean’s phone back to him.

“Oh, I’ll walk you out then.” Dean led Anna to the front door, Cas watching the couple until they were out of his sight. 

Cas sighed and leaned on the counter. He picked at the grout, thinking about what Dean and Anna could be doing. Cas wasn’t ever the jealous type when it came to Dean, not during their relationship at least. Cas trusted Dean enough to know Dean would never cheat on him. Castiel knew Dean loved him too much to do that to him. But now, nothing was stopping Dean from moving on. Castiel himself had moved on so of course Dean could to. Cas just never thought it would hurt this much. Did Dean hurt this much? Did Castiel constantly hurt Dean whenever Balthazar was mentioned? It was a big possibility. Cas buried his face in his hands. This was all just too much.

Anna gave Dean a hug, “so, you and Castiel?” She smiled at Dean when she pulled away from the hug.

“What? What about me and Cas?” Dean’s breath hitched at being caught. 

“Look, like I said last night, I know it’s none of my business, but I think you two need to talk. Get some closure or something. I could tell right away that something was left unsaid. Just think about it, okay?” Anna pat Dean’s cheek and walked out the door to an awaiting pt cruiser.

Dean stared at Anna as she walked away. She was right, none of this was any of her business. But Dean couldn’t help but think that what she said was right. He needed closure. He needed to get over Castiel somehow. Drinking only helped temporarily and Dean couldn’t be drunk all the time. He still had a job he liked, he had Sam, Eileen, Jo and Charlie. He had a family that he needed to look out for, and he knew his family would hate if he started drinking excessively again. Most importantly, Dean didn’t want to turn into his father.

So drinking was out of his options. Maybe he could pick up a new hobby? Or maybe he could start dating again. Dean needed to let Cas go. Castiel was happy with Balthazar. Cas was getting married. 

Dean closed the door and went back to the kitchen where he left Cas. Dean put on a smile and walked in. “Sorry about that, she stayed over last night unexpectedly.” 

“Hm? Oh, that’s fine.” Cas smiled slightly and sat at the table. “I uh, I know we haven’t spent a lot of time with each other lately, but I had something important to ask you.” Cas fiddled with the handle of his mug. 

“You can ask me anything Cas.” Dean grabbed his own mug and sat at the table with Cas. He would have preferred to sit in the living room but if Cas wanted to sit in the kitchen then so would he.

Cas stared at his coffee for some time. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to ask first. ‘ _ Are you dating Anna? Did you fuck her in our bed?’  _ But it wasn’t their bed anymore. It was just Dean’s, and Cas didn’t have a say in who Dean had sexual intercourse with. 

_ ‘Are you over me?’  _ Cas took a long drink of his coffee, wishing it was alcohol.

“Cas?” Dean furrowed his brows in concern, “you okay?” Dean asked gently.

“Hm? Oh! Yes, yeah. I am okay.” Castiel forced a happy smile. “I wanted to ask you an important question.”

Dean bit the inside of his cheek, quelling any feeling of hope.

“Will you be my best man?” Cas asked eagerly.

‘ _ Fuck.’  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought about the last two chapters. I'll try updating every Wednesday! Xx.


	3. The one with the Garden

* * *

“Will you be my best man?” Cas asked eagerly.

‘ _Fuck.’_

Dean stared at Cas, mouth slightly open. Cas wanted Dean to be his best man. What the fuck? Out of all the things Dean thought Cas would ask, he never thought Cas would ask Dean to be his best man.

“Dean?” Cas asked nervously. Maybe he shouldn't have asked that. He should have just asked if Dean wanted to be a groomsman or to just attend the wedding! But no, what came out was him asking Dean to be his best man, fuck!

“I- yeah! I uh, of course.” Dean forced a smile and lightly punched Cas’ shoulder, “course I will, buddy.”

“Really? You will?” Castiel looked at the older man in shock. He lightly rubbed his arm where Dean punched it.

“Yeah! I'm your best friend, right? Why wouldn't I be your best man? If not me, then who else?” Dean probably should tone down his false eagerness. He didn't want Cas to think it was all a hoax (even though it was). Dean cleared his throat, “I won't let you down, Cas.”

Cas smiled at Dean, though it wasn't because he was happy Dean accepted to be his best man. Dean should have laughed in Cas’ face at his ridiculous request. Dean should have yelled at Cas for being an idiot! What kind of ex-boyfriend asks their ex to be their best man? Castiel apparently. Then again what kind of ex accepts the offer to be their ex-boyfriend’s best man?

“I uh… thank you, Dean.” Cas shifted slightly. He wasn't sure what else to say.

“Yeah, you bet. I um, I actually need to make a call. To uh, to Sam! Yeah, I'll be right back.” Dean stood up, grabbed his phone, and left the kitchen as fast as he could.

Dean looked behind him with a grimace. He bolted to his room and dialled Sam's number. He needed to talk to someone about this latest development and since Sam has been there for Dean from the very start and end of Dean’s and Cas’ relationship, then he was the best option to keep Dean from doing or saying something stupid. Something like agreeing to be Castiel’s best man.

“Dean?” Sam called into his phone. He had tried getting his attention for a couple of minutes now. Maybe he buttdialed him. “Dean, if you just buttdialed me, I’m hanging up-”

“Wait! Don’t hang up!” Dean panicked. “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay… what’s up?” Sam leaned against his seat, his phone pressed to his ear. He was currently with his girlfriend Eileen, so Sam didn’t want to waste time he had with her if Dean didn’t have anything important to say.

“Cas is here, he uh, he asked if he could stop by yesterday and I said yes, of course I did. I haven’t seen Cas one on one since he broke up with me. But I thought he wanted to hang out, maybe talk about us, but he-”

“Dean? Take a deep breath, you’re kinda talking too fast.” Sam sat up straighter in his seat. He was at least able to hear that Cas went to Dean’s place. Which explained why Dean was babbling about Cas but why was Dean in such a panic? Did Cas take Balthazar with him to Dean’s?

“Okay, okay, I’m calmer.” Dean took a deep breath again, “Sam, Cas asked me to be his best man.” Dean sat on his bed, his head going into his free hand.

“He- are you serious?” Sam frowned at the table as if it was the reason Dean was in the mess he was in.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m serious. He uh, he said he had an important question and he just, he asked if I would- fuck, Sam. I told him I would do it.” Dean rubbed his eyes, ignoring the stinging feeling. Dean Winchester was not about to cry because the man he loved asked him some question.

“Why would you- never mind. What did he say? What did you say?” Sam looked up at Eileen when she lightly tapped his arm. He gave her an apologetic smile and signed to her what was going on as best he could.

Eileen gave him a sympathetic look and signed to Sam that he could go to Dean. Dean needed his brother, she had signed perfectly.

“He asked, I said I would, and he thanked me. I-I didn’t know what else to say so I said I had to call you. And here I am now.” Dean stared at the floor of his room.

“I can go over? I mean, I’m with Eileen, but we can swing by? Maybe diffuse your worries?” Sam said as he grabbed his car keys.

“No, don’t drag her into this. She doesn’t need to get involved.” Dean sighed and closed his eyes momentarily. He didn’t want to ruin any chances Sam had with Eileen by dragging her into Dean’s fucked up life.

“Eileen told me to tell you that she’s coming whether you like it or not.” Sam kissed Eileen’s forehead and smiled slightly.

Dean huffed a small laugh, “You would think by now I wouldn’t try stopping her from doing something.”

“She said the same thing,” Sam chuckled, “We’ll be there in a few minutes, in the meantime, keep the conversation from wedding plans, okay?”

“Gladly, but I uh, can I ask you for a favor?” Dean asked hopefully.

“What is it?” Sam asked skeptically.

“I kinda left my car at the hall last night, you think you can stop by and get it for me?” Dean took one more deep breath before going back to the kitchen.

“You left your car? How did you get home?” Sam frowned.

“Took a cab home with Anna.” Dean walked into the kitchen and gave Cas a small smile.

“Okay… nothing happened, right? I’m trusting you enough to say nothing happened.” Sam was in the car with Eileen, getting ready to get Dean’s car.

“Right, but she did make me breakfast, so she’s a keeper.” Dean joked lightly.

“Mhmm, I’ll see you in a few.” Sam grumbled before hanging up.

Cas frowned at his coffee slightly. Anna was a keeper because she made Dean breakfast? Dean used to say the same thing about Cas. Maybe it was just a thing he said now.

“Sam’s coming over. He and Eileen are.” Dean told Cas as he sat back down in his seat.

“Oh, okay. How is Eileen? I didn’t see her last night.” Cas took a sip from his coffee. He was stressing after Dean left so he tried to drown his thoughts by finishing his first cup, so he was now on his second.

“She had to work last night. But she said to say congratulations.” Dean ran his hand through his hair.

Castiel smiled slightly, “I always thought she and Sam would be the first one’s to get married.” He admitted.

“Yeah, me too…” Dean stood up again, “You wanna take a look at your garden? I uh, it’s not dead! I made sure it wouldn’t go to waste.” _I wanted to keep it alive in case you came back._ The topic was already too close to Cas’ wedding, so Dean needed to change the topic. He probably shouldn't have let his thoughts travel back to his hopeless pinning.

“Yes! I haven't thought about that. I'm surprised you even remembered there was one here.” Castiel tried teasing. Both men needed to ease up around one another, perhaps this garden would do the trick. At least Cas hoped the garden would help ease them both.

Dean laughed slightly, “like I could forget. Every spring there are always bees flying around thanks to those wildflowers you planted.”

Cas beamed at the mention of the bees. He had purchased wildflower seeds in hopes of saving the bees and bringing them to his garden. He was glad to hear his hard work paid off. If only he was able to see it happen in person. Castiel left his half empty coffee cup on the table as he got up. He was eager to see the garden, more eager than asking Dean that very stupid request. Sometimes even Castiel was surprised by his own stupidity.

Dean led Castiel out to the garden even though he didn't have to; Cas was well aware of where the garden was. Cas did build it after all. Dean used to buy whatever Castiel needed, whether it was soil, fertilizer, seeds, or that damn greenhouse. (The greenhouse was more expensive than anything else). Whatever Cas wanted, Dean would try to get. Dean used to say it was no big deal, but they both knew Dean wanted to express his love in any way he could.

Dean pushed the gate open to the garden and closed it after Cas walked in. He gestured to the growing crops, trees, bushes, and flowers. “there you go. I hope I didn't mess anything up.” He rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his.

“Dean, no, no, you didn't mess anything up!” Cas looked in wonder at all the greens, reds, and purples. The garden looked beautiful. There weren't any weeds in sight, the bushes were pruned into perfection, the trees were getting taller, and the flowers were in full bloom. “how were you able to manage everything?” Cas asked in amazement. He stepped up to a fig tree and lightly touched the leaves.

“Well, Sam helped with most of it. So he's to thank for all of it.” Dean shrugged. Sam actually wasn't too sure that Dean should keep up with the garden since he thought it was a metaphor for Dean’s hope that Cas would come back to him. Of course Dean called him an idiot and said he wanted to do it to keep himself from drinking. Sam wasn't wrong, but Dean didn't want to admit that to him.

“I can't believe you both did all of this.” Cas smiled widely at the beautiful sights. It was all breathtaking. He looked at Dean with that same gummy smile that got Dean to fall in love with him in the first place.

Dean’s breath caught in his throat at the sight. It was almost as if they were still together somehow. Cas stood in his garden, that beautiful smile in place, Dean stood in front of him, his breath shortened from said smile and they were looking at one another as if they were all that mattered to one another. It was almost perfect.

Dean bit his lip and shrugged, “I knew you'd kill me if I let all your hard work go to waste.” He kicked a rock into the rose bushes.

Cas nodded, “Yeah, I would have. I knew this garden would be beautiful some day. I was right.” He walked around some of the plants, analyzing them and lightly touching them. He missed tending to them.

Dean watched Cas walk around the garden. His heart was beating somewhat erratically at the sight. It was almost like old times. The sun shone bright making Cas look beautiful, the sky matching his eyes, the smile on Cas’ face… Dean never realized just how much he needed Cas before. He needed to tell Cas for his own sake because there was no way he'd be able to watch Balthazar make Cas this happy or watch them grow old together. Dean should be in Balthazar’s place.

“Dean! There's a hive by the wildflowers!” Cas said excitedly when he noticed the beehive.

Dean smiled and stepped up next to Castiel, “Yeah, I noticed it last week. I wanted to be sure they were there to stay before I said anything.”

Cas watched the bees flying around the flowers, landing on them, and flying back to the hive. Cas couldn't believe Dean kept all of this up even though he used to express his dislike of putting so much work for some plants. Cas looked back at Dean, a small frown on his lips, “you did this for me.”

Dean shoved his hands in his sweatpants pockets. “Like I said you’d have killed me if I didn't.”

“Dean, look at me. Please?” Cas lightly touched his arm. “what was the real reason?”

Dean sighed softly, “Cas, you know the answer to that.”

“I-I need you to say it. I need to hear you say it.” Cas pleaded. He needed Dean to look at him and mean what he said.

Dean knew Cas wanted a confirmation in a way Cas always wanted. After all, Dean’s constant avoidance and self hate were the reasons they were in this mess. That and Dean’s father's words that hammered their way into his mind.

_Worthless. Pathetic. A disappointment. Pansy. Faggot._

“I…” Dean sighed softly and looked into Castiel's eyes. Cas was getting married. Cas was happy with someone else. Dean would ruin everything.

“I hoped we could still be friends if I did this for you.” Dean lied. He must have been convincing because Castiel seemed to believe his words.

“oh… Dean, you didn't have to prove yourself to me. You know I'll always be your best friend. You'll always be mine.” Cas’ heart broke a little at Dean’s words. He had thought… he hoped Dean would have said something else.

“Dean? Cas?” Sam yelled from inside.

Cas looked back at the house and sighed softly. “We should head back.” He looked back at the beehive and smiled slightly, “can I come by more often to work on the garden? We can also talk about the wedding plans, two birds with one stone.”

Dean tried to mask his grimace with a smile, “Yeah, no problem. Let's go back inside.”

It seemed the wedding would be present regardless of Dean’s attempts to run from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Xx.


	4. The one where Dean and Cas reminisce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I had trouble coming up with this chapter.

* * *

 

Just as Cas said, he came over a lot more to tend to his garden. Cas didn't go to Dean’s every day, but he did visit often. And of course, just like Cas had said, Dean was forced to discuss Castiel's wedding.

After Cas asked Dean to be his best man, Dean was a mess. Of course he didn't let Cas see that, why would Dean want to let Cas know that bugged him? Instead he talked to Sam and Eileen. Thank God for his brother and Eileen. Their presence kept Dean from doing something stupid, and they kept Cas off the topic of the wedding. They were truly his life line that day. Up until they forced Dean to talk about his feelings.

Sam had asked Dean what was going on in his head, which was a dumb question, and if Dean could actually pull through with being Cas’ best man, which wasn't that dumb. Dean hadn’t said anything for a couple of minutes after those questions were asked. He didn't know how to respond to them. 

What was going through Dean’s head? A lot of things. The main thought being Cas. Another would be his father's words, but in Dean’s voice. Then again, Dean did think about how he and Cas broke up and how now Cas was happy with someone else and asking Dean to be his best man! Which, what the hell? Who asked that of their ex? Dean had thought they were in love, so why would Cas ask him to be his best man? Did Cas think it would be funny? Did he not consider the weirdness and-and fucked up factors of that question? And then Cas seemed to want Dean to admit that he still wanted Cas. All in all, Dean’s mind was a mess.

Now, would Dean be able to pull through with being Cas’ best man? Well, Dean could pretend to be happy, he could act like the best friend Cas needed, so… yes? Dean honestly thought he'd be okay. They were friends, they knew each other like the back of their hands. Dean was the best option, but he wouldn't be happy. Dean’s heart would break more and more every time they spoke about the wedding.

Dean didn't tell any of that to Sam. He did, however, tell Sam it would hurt, but he would be okay. That was something, right?

Dean sat in a coffee shop down the street from his work. A hot mug of black coffee in his hands and a honey vanilla latte in front of him. Cas hadn't arrived yet, which was fine. Dean was off work, he had all day to wait. In fact, Dean wanted to avoid speaking about the wedding as long as he could. He dreaded the topic, but he had agreed so now there was no going back. 

Dean smiled when he saw Cas walking towards him, “hey buddy, how’s it going?” Dean sat up straighter. He wanted to hug Cas, but he didn't want to make Castiel uncomfortable.

“Not so great,” Cas huffed, “Balthazar was getting on my nerves today.” Cas took a sip of his latte and sighed softly.

“Oh?” Dean his his smile behind his drink of his hot beverage. 

“He kept telling me that my choice in flowers was too cliché and that I should be honored to have my mother walk me down the aisle! I don't want my mother to walk me down the aisle! You know how she is, you know she's the last person I want walking me down the aisle.” Cas lay his head on the table, “he had the nerve to ask her. Shouldn't I have been the one to do so?”

Dean lay his hand on Cas’, “Yeah, you should have. Is it too late to tell her no?” He wondered.

“If I tell her no, then who will walk me down the aisle?” Cas grumbled.

“My mom?” Dean shrugged.

Cas looked up at Dean, “What? Mary? Do you think she'd want to?”

Dean sighed softly, he'll stop to consider his mom’s feelings but not Dean’s when it came to the wedding? “You know she'd be happy to. She loves you.”

Cas sat up and took a deep breath, “Okay, if you say so. I'll call and cancel with my mom when we leave. I don't even want to think of the way that conversation will go.”

“we'll let future you worry about that.” Dean joked.

Cas smiled slightly and nodded, “Okay. In the meantime, can present Dean help me pick new flowers?” 

Dean nodded, “Yeah, sure. I mean, the roses you chose seemed fine to me, but I'll help you.”

Cas nodded, “I thought so too, but Balthazar didn't like them.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “you’d think he'd like roses.”

“He's never cared for them, he's more of a aster kind of guy.” Cas pulled a binder out from his bag and opened it, “I have a list of possible flower choices in here. I was thinking maybe going with lilies or tulips.”

Dean looked at Cas’ organized binder and smiled slightly, “did you cut out pictures of flowers and throw them together in a bouquet?”

Cas blushed lightly and looked up, “maybe.” He closed the binder, “Is that dumb?” 

“No, it's you. It's very you. Remember when you threw me a surprise party and you made a scrapbook of your plans? It's like that.” Dean chuckled at Cas’ crimson cheeks. 

Cas remembered that scrapbook very well. Dean was turning nineteen when Cas threw him the surprise party and at the time Dean was into the 70s look, so Cas threw Dean a 70s themed party. He organized everything from the guest list to the dessert. When Cas showed the scrapbook to Dean, Dean had said it was cute and then proceeded to kiss him. 

“I don't think you should do tulips, you never cared for them that much before, otherwise they'd be in the garden.” Dean cut Cas’ thoughts off, “maybe lilies…” Dean gently took the flower binder from Cas and opened it to the Calla Lily tab. He took out a few red lilies and set them on the table, “did you have another flower in mind?” 

Cas nodded and flipped the binder to the peonies tab, “besides the tulips and lilies, I was thinking peonies.”

Dean took a few of the white peony cut outs and set them next to the lilies, “what if you did lilies and peonies?”

Cas watched Dean form the paper cut outs into a makeshift bouquet. He tilted his head slightly and looked at the flowers, “I think this could work…” Cas grinned and looked up at Dean. “Thank you for helping me.”

“anytime, Cas.” Dean shrugged and slid the flowers into a clear plastic pocket in the binder, marked final decision.

Cas put the binder away and slouched in his side of the booth, “I'm exhausted,” He sighed.

“Really? I couldn't tell,” Dean teased. He pushed Cas’ coffee closer to Cas. “Wedding planning?”

“No, it's actually enjoyable when I plan with you. Balthazar has been causing a fuss a lot lately. I don't know why either. It's like he enjoys seeing me frustrated at him or something.” Cas gladly took a long drink from his latte. 

Dean smiled when Cas told him he liked planning with Dean and if he smiled a little more when Cas said Balthazar was annoying him, then that was his business. “How about we push the planning aside and we do something less stressful today?” Dean offered.

“Like what?” Cas looked at Dean curiously.

“Dinner and a movie? We can go back to my place and I'll cook up some spaghetti. You can pick the movie.” Dean shrugged. A part of him was hoping Cas would say no. If Cas said yes then it would almost seem like a date, one of those cliché dates. But if Cas said no, then they'd brush it off and Dean would be able to keep his thoughts from any date memories or ideas. Wasn't this supposed to be less stressful?

“Okay, why not?” Cas shrugged, “I'm getting kind of hungry, plus you have the best movie collection.”

Dean chuckled, standing up and shrugging, “What can I say? I’m awesome.”

“Mmm, you’re okay,” Cas teased.

Dean laughed and nodded towards the door, “C’mon, let’s get out of here.” Cas followed Dean’s lead, both of them heading to their cars.

“I can’t believe you still have baby.” Cas lightly touched her hood.

“Of course I do! She still runs like a charm. Even if she didn’t, I’d fix her up ‘til she did.” Dean’s eyes scanned over his car, smiling slightly. There were many good memories tied with this car. A few were very good memories involving Cas.

“Yeah, I know you would. You have an unhealthy addiction to this car.” Cas had a smile on his lips, which to Dean meant he was only teasing him again. 

“You wanna ride with me? I’ll drop you off here later if you want.” Dean offered. He took his keys out and unlocked his car. 

“Okay, yeah.” Cas nodded and opened the passenger side door. He got in and took a deep breath. He felt that flutter in his chest when the familiar scents filled his senses. It was like coming home.Cas looked at Dean as he drove, the soft rock music playing in the background, it was all so familiar.

2001~

Cas kicked at the stray rocks on the sidewalk, a frown set on his lips. It was typical of his mother to start going off on him for no reason, in fact he almost expected it when he got home. But this time she went too far. She had the nerve to blame him for his father walking out on them! He was only two years old when that happened? What could he have done to cause that? 

Cas huffed softly and buried his hands in his pockets. He never understood his mother before, and he certainly wouldn’t now. He did wish he could get along with his mother but when she blamed him for things beyond his control, it was hard to wish that. 

Cas was so absorbed in his thoughts he didn’t notice the sleek black chevy impala pulling out of the driveway. The person in the car stopped abruptly and honked the horn, both in anger, annoyance, and fear.

Cas gasped and stepped back, eyes wide with fear. Holy shit!

“Dude, what the fuck? Watch where you’re going!” The angry teenager yelled at Cas.

Cas frowned and grit his teeth, “You’re the one in the car, maybe you should watch where you are going.”

Dean sighed softly and parked the car. He stepped out and crossed his arms over his chest, “Okay, I’ll admit, I could have looked around more, but dude, you should have heard the car a mile away.”

“Whatever, if you’ll excuse me, I want to get as far away from here as I can.” Cas stepped around the taller teen.

“You ain’t gonna get anywhere on just your feet.” Dean tilted his head as he watched the kid walk away. He knew him from somewhere… was it english class? Math?

“Watch me!” Cas snapped. He couldn’t be blamed for his harshness, after all he was almost ran over, and his mother was infuriating. 

“Oh, I am, and I’m liking the view.” Dean grinned cheekily. 

Cas blushed and turned around so fast that he almost got dizzy. “Pardon?”

Dean laughed, “Wanna ride with me? I’ll take you where you wanna go. I promise I’m not an axe murderer or something.”

Cas cracked a small smile, “I didn’t say you were. How do I know you aren’t lying?”

Dean shrugged, “Scouts honor?”

“You were a scout?” Cas scoffed, “Yeah, right.”

“Okay, maybe I wasn’t. But I can assure you, I am no murderer. Just someone tryin’ to get away.” Dean shrugged, “You wanna ride with me or not?”

Cas bit his bottom lip, looking at Dean. He seemed honest enough… “Okay, but if you are a murderer, please don’t dump me in a river.”

Dean laughed and nodded, “Sure, I promise I won’t.” Dean held his hand out, “I’m Dean Winchester. I believe we have english together.”

“Castiel Novak, and we have history together.” Cas shook Dean’s hand with a smile. 

Dean blushed lightly, “Right, uh. Let’s go.” Dean got in his car, Cas following his lead.

Cas relaxed in the seat, leather and cinnamon filling his senses. Cas smiled, “Thank you, Dean.” 

2017~

Dean and Cas arrived at Dean’s place a few minutes after they left the cafe. Cas was looking through the movies while Dean made them some spaghetti. Cas sighed softly at the memory of their first meeting, “I still can’t believe you almost ran me over.” 

Dean looked back at Cas, “Hey, I’ve apologized for that on more than one occasion.” He defended. 

Cas laughed, blushing deeply. He remembered just how Dean made up for that event. “Yeah, but still. You could have injured me on our first meeting.”

“Hmm, I wonder how that would have affected us.” Dean stirred the noodles in the boiling water. He bit his lip and checked the meat, seasoning it and stirring it.

“We probably wouldn't have become friends. If I remember correctly, we became friends on that little drive we took together.” Cas set his movie choice on the counter near the stove. He made sure the DVD wasn't too close to the flame.

“Yeah, that's probably true.” Dean nodded and added the sauce to the meat. He finished the noodles and put them in a bowl before adding the sauce mixture to that same bowl. “food's all done.” 

Cas grabbed two plates and served them both, “Let's eat at the table.” 

Dean grabbed two forks for them and made sure there were some napkins for them on the table; neither of the two were clean eaters. 

Cas set their plates on the table, near one another, and grabbed glasses to fill with wine. 

“The princess bride? Dude, you can quote that movie word for word, you sure you wanna watch it?” Dean smiled slightly and looked at Cas.

“Dean, there is a reason for that. Of course I want to watch it.” Cas set the glasses on the tables, making sure there were coasters. He took a seat and only started eating when Dean joined him.

They both ate, filling gaps with laughter and memories. The first time Cas cooked for them, the first time Dean let Cas drive the impala, and the first time they had a dinner with Cas’ family.

“Your mom hated me right from the start.” Dean took a drink from his wine and smiled, “probably thought I'd corrupt her baby boy.”

“Please, she was only concerned I'd start spreading my homosexuality through the town.” Cas rolled his eyes.

“Well, she certainly doesn't get how that works. If anything you only affected me, and not because you infected me. More because you had a nice ass.” Dean winked. What was the harm in a little flirting, right?

“You only dated me for my ass, then?” Cas laughed.

“Okay, you caught me. I might have also really liked your star trek collection.” Dean shrugged.

Cas lightly hit Dean’s arm, “you ass!” He laughed.

Dean chuckled, “sorry, Cas. I cannot tell a lie.” He leaned on his elbow, looking at Cas, “remember when you dressed up as Harry Potter for Halloween.”

Cad blushed, “Charlie made us dress up as the trio,” Cas nodded, “those glasses made me.look so dorky… well, dorkier.”

Dean shook his head, “I thought you looked cute,” Dean blushed. Cas was really cute in those circular glasses.

Cas blushed and finished his wine, “we should get to that movie now. I remember you promising me a movie.”

Dean stood up and set the dishes to rinse, “don't worry, I haven't forgotten.”

“more wine?” Cas asked as he poured them both some more wine.

Dean looked back and nodded, “I guess so.” Dean finished with the dishes and set them in the dishwasher that Sam insisted he get. He dried his hands and grabbed the DVD. “Let's get to the movie now.”

Cas grabbed their glasses, handing Dean his and then getting the wine bottle. “As you wish.” 

Dean chuckled and put the dvd in. He took a seat on the couch, drinking his wine.

Cas felt good. He hasn't felt this good in a while. At least he couldn't remember the last time he felt this good. He sat on the couch next to Dean. He kicked his shoes off and got comfortable. He tucked his feet under him.

Through the course of the movie, Cas moved closer to Dean. Now Cas had his head resting on Dean’s shoulder. Dean had his arm around Cas’ shoulders.

Dean missed this more than he thought he did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think and leave a comment and kudos. Xx.


	5. The one where Mary almost gets to Dean

* * *

 

Cas couldn't stop smiling.  He had a wonderful time with Dean the other day, and he couldn't take his mind off of it. He was supposed to be looking at a wedding catalogue, but his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Dean. He hadn't allowed himself to think of Dean very much after the breakup, it still hurt too much. But now, Cas got that flutter in his chest when he thought about Dean.

Cas had a flutter in his chest at that moment, and a goofy smile. He was absentmindedly flipping through the catalogue with Dean on his mind. Cas sighed softly and pushed it away; he wasn't going to get anything done.

“What has you all chipper? Did you find something we'd like?” Balthazar asked when he walked into the kitchen.

Cas looked up and shook his head, “just thinking.”

“Hmm… where were you yesterday?” Balthazar asked suddenly. By the look in his eye, he wasn't too happy.

“I was talking to Dean about the wedding. I asked him to be my best man, remember?” Cas frowned slightly. He wondered where this was coming from.

“Yes, yes, I remember. But why weren't you at the coffee shop that you said you'd be at?” Balthazar grumbled. He definitely was not happy.

“Were you checking up on me?” Cas sighed, “I was there.”

“I saw your car; however, when I went to say hi, you, nor that Winchester friend of yours, was there. Care to explain?” Balthazar crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the kitchen counter near Castiel.

“we went for a drive,” Cas lied, “I was feeling stressed, so Dean offered to go for a drive. That is all that happened. Besides the wedding planning, which need I remind you, you asked me to do.” 

“Right, I'm sure.” Balthazar rolled his eyes.

Castiel sighed and rubbed his temples, “nothing happened. Dean and I are just friends.” Cas ran his hand through his already messy hair. 

“And Anya and I were just “friends,” yet you were right in your assumptions at the time.” Balthazar snapped. “How do I know that you aren't lying to me?”

“Because I'm not you!” Cas snapped right back. He has had it with Balthazar. He needed to clear his head, he needed to get out of there and-and see Dean. “I'm going for a drive. I'll call you later.” Dean woke up that morning with a bounce in his step. He went to work with a smile on his face and it was all because of one person, Castiel.

* * *

 

Cas always made Dean’s mood better, and their… hang out did just that. Because all they did was hang out. It wasn't like they cuddled during two movies and reminisced about the good old days when they were a couple. Except that they did. 

Then Cas had called his mother to tell her he didn't want her to walk him down the aisle. That conversation didn't end well for Cas. Cas had been angry until Dean got him to laugh. After Cas was cheered up, Dean called his own mother. That call led to Dean’s current predicament.

Mary scolded Dean for not calling her sooner, which led to Cas laughing. Cas’ laughter led to Mary assuming Dean and Cas were back together, which led to Dean explaining why he called. Of course Mary, the kind mother that she is, became concerned and made it clear she would help Dean.

Dean was sitting on the couch with his mother after a long day at work talking about Cas. Dean tried to tell her that he was okay, that Cas marrying someone who wasn't him was okay. Mary didn't believe him. 

“Dean, I'm your mother. I know when you say you're okay, you really mean that you miss him.” Mary sighed, “Have you told him?” She wondered. Mary sat back in her seat and watched her son's facial expressions. 

“I- No. Of course not. Mom, he's getting married. I can't just tell him I love him and miss him. Not now.” Dean wanted to hide his face. He knew his eyes were a clear give away to his mother. She knew him too well.

“Can't or won't?” Mary scoffed, “Dean, I know you. You're not very open when it comes to talking about your feelings.”

“Fine, both. I can't and I won't. It's not that easy. Cas is happier now. I know he says Balthazar gets on his nerves sometimes, but he-he's happy. I'm not going to ruin that for him.” Dean rubbed his eyes and looked away from his mother. This was a bad idea. Letting his mother talk him into sharing his feelings was a bad move. But if he couldn't talk to his mother, then Who?

Charlie was an option, but she made it clear she wants Cas and Dean to get back together but won't interfere with Balthazar’s and Cas’ relationship unless she had a reason to. There was only one, but Dean said it wasn't good enough when Cas was happy. Charlie promised to behave after that.

Sam and Eileen also wanted Cas and Dean to be happy; however, neither of them wanted to get involved in breaking Dean’s heart. They thought Cas was happy too and if Cas rejected Dean, then there would be no use. They said they were going to stay out of it unless Dean really needed them. Which is why they helped Dean when he called about the best man situation. 

His mom was always there for him. Mary never took his bullshit and always called him out on it. Dean tried not to lie to her or keep things from her. But this situation he was in, wasn't one she could fix. Dean just needed her to be there when his heart would be shattered. So far she has been.

“Dean, you need to talk to him about this. If not for the sake of getting back together, then do it for yourself.” Mary took Dean’s hand in hers and squeezed it softly. “Stop thinking of others before yourself. It's time you did something for you. Sam and I, we'll always need you, but because of you we're here and strong. It's our turn to return the favor.”

Dean let out a shuddering breath, “I had nothing to-” 

“Don't, Okay? You got me to pick up and leave your father. John was a toxic man, sometimes love isn't enough, and sometimes it is. In your case, I believe it is. You are not your father.” Mary stood up and kissed Dean’s forehead, “I have to get to work, but please think about it. Your love is worth fighting for. You're a good man, Dean.” Mary left her son with another kiss on his forehead and a small smile. 

No matter how many times Mary said it or Sam said it, Dean couldn't help but believe his father still. Dean was a bad son. Dean was a bad brother. Dean was a bad boyfriend. Cas was happier without him. Cas was happier with Balthazar, right?

Dean would have sat in his thoughts all night if it weren't for that insistent knocking on his door. For a second he thought it was Sam. Boy was he wrong. 

“Cas? What are you doing here? What's wrong?” Dean frowned when he saw Cas’ expression. It was like he was angry and hurt.

“I-I need to talk to you. I need my best friend.” Cas ran his hand through his hair.

“come in.” Dean stepped back to let Cas inside. “What happened?”

“Balthazar and I had a fight.” Cas went straight to Dean’s wine cabinet and took out the whisky in the back. 

Dean grabbed two glasses, “you wanna talk about it?” 

“No… yes?” Cas sighed and poured them a generous amount of the liquor. “Are you sure  _ you _ want to? Dean, you should hate me. You should yell at me or-or throw me out of here.” Cas took a drink of the whisky, coughing slightly afterwards. 

“I wouldn't do that to you,” Dean took a small drink from his, “and for the record, you're hard to hate.”

“I started dating a few weeks after we broke up. I blamed you for our break up. I-I asked you to be my best man after ignoring you for a long time. Dean, You should hate me!” Cas sat on the sofa, looking like a kicked puppy.

Dean sighed, sitting next to Cas, “I should.” Dean agreed. 

Cas’ face fell, “I was the problem-”

“No, you weren't. There isn't anything wrong with you. If I'm being honest, it was me. I am to blame for our break up. You know my dad fucked me up.”

“it's his fault.” Cas decided. “not ours.”

“yeah…” Dean took a long drink from his glass, “so, what brought this on?”

“Balthazar thinks I cheated on him. I told him he was crazy because I'm not a cheater, I wouldn't do that. But he didn't believe me because…” Cas drank more of the amber liquid. 

“Cas, has he cheated on you?” Dean frowned.

“I- yeah. He did.” Cas stared at his shoes. 

“I'll kill him.” Dean nearly growled.

“Dean, it wasn't-”

“Don't you dare say it wasn't his fault. You don't accidentally cheat on someone.” Dean sighed, “Cas, how long ago was this?” 

Castiel shrugged, “a few months ago.”

Dean and Cas weren't talking to one another then. Dean wasn't there when Cas needed his best friend because Dean was wrapped in his own stuff.

“I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you.” Dean took Cas’ hand in his and pulled him close, “I should have been there.”

“Should I even be marrying him?” Cas asked sadly. “Sometimes I feel like we shouldn't be together.”

Dean bit his lip, too afraid to speak.

_ “Your love is worth fighting for.” _

“I'm sorry for springing this all on you.” Cas sighed. He grabbed the bottle of whisky and poured himself some more.

“You don't need to apologize. Sometimes we just need someone to talk to. If he ever does that again, you know I'll be here for you.” Dean promised, “you should sleep it over. I-I haven't seen you smile the way you did at the engagement party ever, I think. You looked happier than…” Dean couldn't keep Cas because Cas wasn't his to keep.

“You looked happier. I knew it would happen after we broke up. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt, but you deserve to be that happy. If he hurts you, just know I'll be here. “

Cas leaned into Dean’s arms, “I don't know if I'm happy with him when we're alone anymore. Can I stay the night? I don't want to go home right now.”

“Yeah, yes. You've always got a place here. After all, you're still my best friend.” Dean murmured. 

Cas sighed softly, “thank you, Dean.”

That night Cas thought about Dean’s words. He thought about Balthazar's words and his actions. Was it worth it? What if Balthazar did hurt him again? Maybe he needed an outsider's opinion?

* * *

 

The next morning, Cas found himself in an empty house. Dean had left a note, saying he went to work. Cas sighed softly and went about his business in silence. He made himself breakfast and then lay in the guest room for an hour or two.

Cas almost thought Dean came home early when he heard noises from the front yard. Of course he was disappointed to see that redhead, Anna. _Fuck_.

Cas opened the door and forced a smile, “hi.”

Anna looked at him a little shocked, “hi, is Dean home?”

“uh, no. He's at work.” Cas leaned against the door frame. 

“oh, okay. Any idea when he'll be back?” Anna wondered.

“six maybe?” Cas shrugged.

“Okay… can I ask you something?” Anna asked hesitantly. 

Cas nodded even though he wanted nothing more than for Anna to leave. 

“You and Dean… you're not,” Anna waved her hands around slightly, “you're not together, are you?”

Cas frowned, “shouldn't I be asking you that?”

Anna laughed softly, “I suppose. No, we aren't. We're just friends. What about you?”

“just friends.” Cas shuffled slightly. So Dean wasn't with her in a romantic way? Why did that make him happy? 

“Okay, good. Uh tell him I stopped by-”

“Can I ask you something?” Cas wondered. It only seemed fair, Anna asked him a question, so he should be able to too, right?

“Sure.” Anna shrugged.

"I need your opinion on something." Cas bit his lip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, leave a comment and kudos! Xx.


	6. The one Where Dean and Charlie talk

* * *

 

Castiel invited Anna to a coffee shop that was near Dean’s house. He didn't feel comfortable inviting her in when Dean wasn't home. Especially since Dean’s home was not his home, at least it wasn't anymore.. But he really needed to talk to someone about his current predicament and maybe she could help?

        Cas sighed in frustration. He was being an idiot. Anna was Balthazar’s friend. For all he knew she would tell Balthazar about this little meeting. Maybe he shouldn't tell her anything. He looked at her ready to change his mind when she spoke.

          “So… this is a nice place.” Anna said awkwardly. She wasn't sure what Castiel wanted to say to her, but she could tell it wasn't something good with the way Cas was sitting. His muscles were tense and he kept fidgeting. Not to mention that frustrated sigh he let out. 

        “Why are you friends with Balthazar?” Castiel asked quickly. He wasn't sure how to start this awkward conversation and starting with that question probably wasn't the best. But hey, he had to start somewhere, right?

        “Oh, um, we met in college actually. At the time I didn't know anyone there. I had recently moved to a new state for school. And then I met him in one of my study groups. We got to talking and we haven't stopped since. Lately, I've been wondering if we should even be friends though. I feel like he's stuck in the past. He was quite the partier back then.” Anna sipped from her frappe, “why?”

        Castiel bit his lip nervously, “I was starting to think the same thing.”

        “Oh…” Anna was at a loss for words, “um, pre-wedding jitters?”

        Cas shrugged, “I don't think so.”

        Anna drummed her fingers on the table, “Have you talked to your best man? Isn't he supposed to reassure you that you weren't making a mistake or something?”

        “I can't ask him,” Castiel shook his head. He  was afraid of what Dean would say if he were to ask Dean. Maybe he'd convince Castiel to go along with the wedding. Or maybe Dean would kick him out of his house and refuse to see him again.

        “Okay… uhm, what- uh, what has you thinking this way?” Anna asked, trying to wrap her head around this whole situation. One moment she tries to meet up with Dean and the next she's providing help to her friend's fiancé. 

        “Balthazar drinks heavily when we go out. He cheated on me, he doesn't seem to trust me, and honestly I'm not even sure if I trust him,” Castiel ranted, “he always makes decisions without coming to me or even for me. He hates everything I love, whether it's flowers, bees, or-or Dean-” Castiel gaped when he realized what he was saying. He looked at Anna, trying to decipher her reaction. Crap, crap, crap. Why did he have to go and fuck things up.

        “Oh my… Castiel, have you and Dean- did you two have sex last night?” She queried. Her expression was unreadable, but her tone was definitely shocked. Great, now she thought he was a whore. Damnit Castiel.

        “No, I wouldn't cheat on Balthazar.” Castiel sighed honestly. 

        “Okay, but you do love Dean? Like,  _ love _ love?” Anna spoke softly. She didn't want to sound censorious. She didn't want to make Castiel feel like he was a bad guy for loving someone. Even though Cas still looked ashamed.

        Castiel bit his lip, avoiding Anna’s gaze and nodded. He shouldn't be in love with someone else when he was engaged to be married. He should trust and be in love with his fiancé, but Balthazar wasn't the one. Castiel nearly rolled his eyes at himself. He sounded like a chick flick. Yet, he couldn't help it. He wasn't in love with Balthazar. 

        “Castiel, I don't know you well enough to judge you. I can't tell you what to do, but I don't think it'd be fair to you if you were to go through with this wedding,” Anna gently put her hand over Cas’, “think it all through before you do anything rash, okay?” She stood up, pushing in her chair. “I'm sorry if I wasn't much help or if I said anything you didn't want to hear.”

        Cas gave her a small smile, “that's okay, I'll uh, I'll think about it.” He watched as she left the shop. Anna's words resonating in his mind, and only one thing was certain amongst them, Castiel couldn't marry Balthazar. Also, he probably overreacted and jumped to conclusions before. Maybe Anna could be a friend.

* * *

 

Dean was distracted all morning while he was at work. His conversation with Castiel the night before was concerning. Dean wanted nothing more than to punch Balthazar's perfect teeth in. How could someone cheat on someone as perfect as Castiel? Cas deserved so much better than that cheating bastard. He deserved to be treated with love and care. Dean could be the person providing those things for Cas. He did once before…

_ ‘And look at where you are now.’ _

        “Hey Winchester? You still with me?” Charlie snapped her fingers in front of his face.

        “Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah.” Dean gave her a small, barely there, smile. 

        “Mhmm, what were we talking about then?” Charlie challenged. 

        “Your car?” Dean guessed. Why else would she show up out of nowhere?

        “Lucky guess. I need you to take a look at it. Bobby said something about my brakes needing to be checked.” She leaned against the front desk, looking into Dean’s eyes, “I think.”

        “You think?” Dean chuckled.

        “Put me in front of a computer and I'm more than capable, but put me in front of a car and nothing will come of it.” Charlie shrugged. 

        “I can always show you a few things.” Dean offered. 

        “Nah, I like seeing you working on my car,” Charlie winked. 

         Dean rolled his eyes, “I'm sure you do.”

        “What can I say? I know what I want,” She joked. Charlie followed Dean to the garage, where her car was waiting. 

        Dean situated her car so he could take a look at it, “you know you're not allowed back here.”

        “Yeah, and who's gonna kick me out? Bobby?” She waved at the older man through the office window. 

         Bobby waved back to her before closing the blinds to the office. He could care less if she were there, as long as she stayed away from the heavy machinery. 

         “He never let Cas hang out back here.” Dean frowned slightly. There was that one time Bobby did let Cas hang out, but Dean was far too interested in Cas than he was in working. Okay, now he understood why.

       “Speaking of Cas… Have you spoken to him recently?” Charlie asked coyly.

      Dean chose to ignore her question in favor of getting started on her brakes. 

      “I'll take that as a yes. What did you guys talk about? Anything interesting?” Charlie persisted. 

      Dean sighed, “I can't stop thinking about it if that's what you mean.” 

      “In a good way or a bad way?” Charlie pulled a chair up so they could continue talking. 

      “Charles, I don't think he'd want me to say anything until he's ready to do so himself. “ Dean grumbled. 

      “Bad way then. Damn, poor Cas.” she looked down at her hands. “You know, I don't think he ever got over you.”

      “Charlie, don't. Okay?” Dean was grateful for his current distraction, but he also wished Charlie didn't follow him into his work space. 

      “Dean, we have to talk about it. You never took the time to do so. Well, now here's your chance. Just say something about it.” Charlie pushed. She was always trying to get him to open up. Sometimes it worked and other times it didn't. 

      “There's nothing to say.” Dean clenched his jaw and made more noise than was necessary.

      “Oh bullshit. Dean, I was there okay? I was with Sam and Eileen throughout your drunken state. I stayed with you whenever Sam couldn't. I was there when you found out Cas was engaged. Not once have you talked about any of it. I just… I don't want you to hurt anymore.” Charlie ran her hand through her short hair. She looked at Dean's stiff back, “you always used to come to me.  Before you and Cas started dating, you always came to me and now I only see you if my car needs fixing or if Cas is throwing some get together for the wedding. Just talk to me, please?”

      Dean hung his head and sighed, “I didn't mean to pull away from you, Charles. I just…. I'm no good at talkin’ about my feelings or talking in general and when Cas… When Castiel said he was engaged, moving on, I didn't think- I didn't want to believe it. I thought the best way to deny it was to avoid from talking about because then-”

      “Because then it wouldn't have been real. Dean, you know Cas isn't the only one out there for you. I mean, we all had hoped you two would work out, but not much can be done unless you're willing to do something about it. Maybe it's time you start letting Cas go because it doesn't seem like he's waiting any longer.” Charlie stood up and lightly touched Dean's arm. “You deserve to be happy too, just like Cas is.”

      Dean shook his head, “he's not.”

      “What? He's not?” Charlie frowned slightly.

      “Cas uh, he came over last night. He wasn't well. We talked and he said he wasn't happy. I was thinking about it today, what if I could make him happy again?” Dean looked at Charlie, His eyes were watery and his smile hopeful. 

      Charlie didn't have the heart to tell him no. She didn't want to see Dean's heart break all over again. Even though she loved Cas, he and Dean weren't ready to be together at the moment. Not when Castiel was still engaged and unhappy and not when Dean could easily crumble at any form of rejection from Cas. They weren't ready.

      “I think… If you are both willing to give it another try, maybe you can.” Charlie spoke softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delaying for so long. I didn't really like the last chapter so the next was kinda hard to come up with. Hopefully after this chapter I'll be able to stick to the schedule.


	7. The one where Castiel finally gets some common sense

Castiel sat in his car outside of the apartment he shared with his fiancé. Balthazar's car was in the parking garage, so he had to be still be there. Castiel was hoping Balthazar wouldn't be home when he got home. Cas was hoping to pack up his things, that way he wouldn't have to do it later. He wanted the break up to end when he broke up with Balthazar. Cas didn't want to have to go back for his things afterwards.

Cas sighed and rest his head on the steering wheel. He took in a steadying breath and then breathed out. He could do this. Balthazar was not the one. Balthazar didn't make him happy. Castiel didn't make Balthazar happy. Cas can break up with Balthazar and pack his things and leave… where would he stay afterwards? 

Fuck.

Cas groaned and pulled out his phone. He scrolled through his contacts, deciding who he should ask. Sam? Definitely not. Sam wouldn't turn him away, but Sam was still angry about the break up. The younger Winchester never said why, but Cas assumed it was because how happy he and Dean were. Sam always wanted what was best for his older brother. Also, Sam can be overbearing when he wanted to. Maybe Mary? He could ask her… she was always a mother to him, perhaps she would take him in? There was also Charlie. But she wouldn't want Cas cockblocking her and her girlfriend. 

There was one place Castiel wanted to be, but he doubted Dean wanted him there. And even if he did, Cas was breaking up with someone. Castiel didn't want to rush into an assumption and put Dean in an awkward position. He didn't want to pressure Dean into anything. He didn't want to hurt Dean either and at that moment, Cas wouldn't be surprised if he did. Cas wasn't going to rush into anything. 

Castiel got out of his car and made his way up to his and Balthazar's apartment. He fidgeted as he waited in the elevator, not entirely sure what he was going to say. What if Balthazar refused to let him go? God, he hoped it wouldn't go down that way.

Cas walked down the hall and fumbled to get his keys out of his pocket. He could do this. Balthazar didn't make him happy. He took in a deep breath and unlocked the door. He stepped inside. Castiel could do something for himself for once.

“Balthazar? Are you home? We need to talk.” Castiel shut the door behind him. There was no going back now.

Castiel shoved his keys in his front pants pocket. He looked around, hoping to spot Balthazar before he lost his small boost of courage. He never let himself stand up for himself when it came to his fiancé, but now he felt confident in himself. He felt like he could finally tell Balthazar to fuck off, and wouldn't that just be wonderful?

Castiel finally found the man in the kitchen at the table. Balthazar had binders splayed open in front of him, and if Castiel wasn’t so caught up in his own thoughts, he'd have noticed his own mother sitting with Balthazar.

“Balthazar, I want to break up.” Castiel said at last. He froze when he finally noticed his mother at the table. “Mother?”

“Castiel, what was it that you just said?” She arched her brow and sent him a glare. 

“I-I said-”

“Oh, don't mind him Naomi, I'm sure he's just got a case of cold feet is all. Isn't that right, cupcake?” Balthazar hummed, not even bothering to look up from what he was doing.

Castiel frowned at the endearment. Balthazar only bothered with pet names whenever they were around company and every name he came up with always got on his nerves. “No, I can assure you that's not the case.” He all but growled.

Naomi sighed in annoyance at her youngest son. He always managed to screw something up, and he was now ruining the best thing that could ever happen to their family. “Oh Castiel, do be quiet dear. Balthazar and I are nearly done with your wedding plans, now carry on and make use of yourself elsewhere. Are we clear?” she dismissed.

Castiel shifted in his spot. A big part of him was telling himself to submit to her wishes the way he's always done. However, an even bigger part was telling him to tell both Balthazar and his mother to fuck off. “No.” he flinched when they both sent him a glare, “No, Balthazar, mother. There will be no more wedding planning because there will be no wedding. I'm done with this charade. None of this is what I wanted! Mother, you are not giving me away at my wedding. Not this one, and certainly not any other. You hate me, why would you want to attend my wedding in the first place? And you!”

Castiel pointed at Balthazar, his jaw tightening at the amused look on his soon to be ex-fiancé’s face, “you are an arrogant, drunk, piece of shit. You cheated on me, you've hit me, and you've made the last few weeks a living hell to be with you. I'm done, it's over, and I'll come back later for my stuff.” 

Castiel turned around and stormed out of the apartment. His blood was rushing, his face flushed, and his heart beating wildly. He felt… relieved. He was finally rid of Balthazar and this atrocious wedding, of his mother, and… and he now had nowhere to go.

He supposed he could make a quick stop at the Roadhouse, that way he could have a drink and think about where he could stay. Castiel nodded in affirmation, he would go to the roadhouse and figure things out from there.

* * *

 

Castiel sat at the bar with a rum and coke sitting in front of him. He tried to ignore the fact that a certain bar owner and bartender were staring him down, but it was hard considering they were both standing in front of him. He sighed and looked at them both, “shouldn't you both be working?” he grumbled.

“well, sorry. It's just, we could have sworn we've seen you before. Oh, I know!” Ellen slammed her hand down on the counter, “you're Castiel, the ass who hasn't bothered to stop by to see us.” she exclaimed sarcastically. 

Castiel slouched in his seat, “Ellen-”

“Oh, save it. What, you forget how to use a phone or somethin’? I was starting to think you died because I knew there was no way in hell you'd just stop contactin’ me and Jo.” Ellen crossed her arms over her chest.

“Seriously Cas, we nearly put out a missing persons page for you. You know, we never got to talk to you at the party either. We thought maybe you were too busy saying hello to other guests and thought to give you some time to yourself. But then you never stopped by to say hi.” Jo mimicked her mother's stance, arms over her chest, a scowl set on her lips. 

Castiel starred both women in the eyes, his own eyes tearing up. His face felt hot and his eyes were stinging. He told himself he wasn't going to cry over any of this, but dammit, Ellen and Jo were making it hard. They were right of course, he had been such an-an ass! He completely cut them off after he broke up with Dean and then when he invited them to the party, he completely ignored them. Just as he did with Mary, Sam, and Charlie. He was a shit friend. 

Ellen sighed softly and came around from the bar to pull Castiel into her arms. “c’mere, boy.”

Castiel wrapped his arms around her middle and buried his face in her neck. He cried softly for what felt like hours. 

Ellen lightly stroked his back, murmuring soft assurances to him. “Cas, we don't blame you. Not entirely at least. We get that you needed time for yourself, but if you'd have let us, we'd have helped you.”

Castiel sniffled slightly and pulled out of her arms. He wiped his cheeks and then rubbed his eyes. “I know, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have disappeared on you.”

“I'll say. And to top it off, you ended up with some douchebag.” Jo scoffed.

Ellen sent her daughter a glare, “Joanna-beth.”

“Don't worry, Ellen. Balthazar is a douche. We broke up, or more accurately, I broke up with him.”

“oh thank heavens. I was worried If have to be polite to him for a really long time.” Ellen let out a deep sigh and sat next to Castiel.

Castiel laughed and took a sip from his drink, “I wasn't thinking when I got with him. He was only a rebound at first and somehow we ended up getting engaged.”

“Dean swore up and down that you were happier with Balthazar than you ever were with him.” Jo leaned over on the bar, “I have to admit that you put on a great show.”

“it never lasted, my smile, I mean. It was more of  a temporary thing.” Cas huffed humorlessly, “Balthazar never really made me happy. And Dean’s a fool to think I was happier with him than when I was with Dean.” Cas’ eyes snapped up to meet Jo’s and then Ellen’s, “don't tell him I said that.”

“Don't worry, Castiel your secret’s safe with us. So, where are you stayin’ now that you're a single man?” Ellen asked curiously.

“Good question. I wish I had the answer.” Castiel took a another swallow of his drink, “maybe a motel for now. I doubt Mary, Charlie, or Sam would want me mooching off of them.”

Jo nodded, pursing her lips, “Yeah, best not to ask them cause I know Dean is constantly with them if he's not working. He's not allowed back here without supervision, so if you wanted you can stay here? Right, ma?”

Ellen nodded, setting her hand on Castiel's. “exactly. You've always got a place with us, sugar.”

Castiel smiled, “Thank you, the both of you.” he ducked his head shyly, reminding both women of the time Dean introduced the guy as his boyfriend for the first time.

“Jo?” Cas asked softly, his brow furrowed in thought, “what did you mean when you said Dean wasn't allowed here without supervision?”

“oh uh, that's not really my place to say. Maybe talk to Dean about it. It's best he tells you instead.” Jo shrugged and stood up straight. “I'm uh, I'll be getting back to work now. Feel free to go on upstairs to get settled in. Jo grabbed the rag from the counter and turned to start cleaning tables.

Castiel watched her leave, head tilted slightly in curiosity. He looked at Ellen, hopeful she'd tell him.

“uh-uh, don't look at me, cowboy. I ain't sayin’ a thing. Now if you'll excuse me, i need to make a supply run. Finish your drink and then get some rest, you hear?” Ellen gave him a curt look and left him at the bar.

Castiel stared at the condensation on his glass. What happened to Dean that wound up getting him banned from the roadhouse without supervision? Castiel sighed softly and downed the rest of his drink, wincing slightly at the burn. He'd have to talk to Dean... or Sam. Sam could tell him, right? Otherwise, Cas would probably do something stupid, like jumping Dean’s bones and riding him into next week...

Yeah, Castiel would have to ask Sam.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and kudos!


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